i hate people...

ok, right now i hate people. So i dress like a goth freak, who the fuck cares!!! People just look on the outside, and judge people that way. Just becuz a person dresses a certain way, or talks a certain way, or anything like that, doesnt mean that they are a bad person. I hate people like that. People think I'm a bad person just becuz i LOOOVE the color black, so i wear it alot, and becuz I wear fingerless gloves. People are just stupid, and all people need to either change, or go die!!!

W.O.W

OMG!! this is really weird! As u all kno, I was planning on breaking up with brittney on Monday, but i dont have to becuz... ryan told her about it, and she freaked out on my sister, kathleen, and made her cry with all her fucking drama. then, having fun for about a 1/2 hour, i asked Liz out, and immediatly she said yes! and Dustin asked out Janae, and now they are going out. last night was the best night of my life. I kow wat ur thinking: wat? i thought he liked Janae?! Well, i did, but i noticed last night that it was just as a sister. i think God made everyone a special sumone, their other half, who was made just for them... I was looking in the right direction, just not at the right person.


I LOVE LIZ!!

Im so sick of this...

ok, as many of u readers probably kno, im going out with Brittney. but wat u dont kno is that i also am IN LOVE with janae. i kno it's wrong, i mean, i have a gf rite? how can i love sum1 else? i cant aswer that question, but wat i can tell u is that i dont feel for brittney 1/2 of the way i feel for Janae. It is always said that God made us a special sum1 that he wanted us to spend tha rest of our lives with, and i think that mine is Janae. wen im with her, it makes me feel like there is no one else in the world, and that everything is good on this earth... but i know now that i have absolutly NO CHANCE with Janae. i feel this because:
~she loves Brian
~she only thinks of me as a brother, and nothing more.
~Im with brittney
~ive gone the wrong way. ive been told go for who u love, not who u like becuz the one u like is gonna leave you for the one they love, and the one u love will be gone... well, i went for the one i liked, and now there is no chance with Janae.

also, becuz of this, I cut.... alot. i have some on my wrists, on my forearm over pasty scars, just above those, and on my shoulder. whoever is reading this, if you kno me, and if u luv me, u will help me. i need it. in any way shape or form, as long as t doesnt invole anyone but my friends, or Mike Farley. please, im slipping down into thAT dark abyss, and i fear im gonna lose myself again. help!

high skool, here i come?

ok so we have high skool next year, and i not sure if i am going to bonny eagle or messalonskie. but then again, high school will always be a mystery...

cause high school could be a mini me of the rest of society there's always a prom queen there'll always be always be sororities and sadly some'll be eternally keeping score for popularity but just cause they all do doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school high school is like a big competition beauty contests, prom court is the mission there can only be one queen, one king everyone voting, everyone competing but these are the rules, the way of high school when someone puts you down, that's so high school someone talks behind your back, that's so high school thinkin' you have to get them back, that's also high school i know i'll be graduating early cause high school could be a mini me of the rest of society there's always a prom queen there'll always be always be sororities and sadly some'll be eternally keeping score for popularity but just cause they all do doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school high school is like the state of the nation some people never change after graduation believing any light you shine makes theirs lesser they have to prove to everyone that theirs is better these are the rules, the ways of high school if someone puts you down, that's so high school believing they're too cool for you, that's so high school and you believe it too, that's also high school i know i'll be graduating early cause high school could be a mini me of the rest of society there's always a prom queen there'll always be always be sororities and sadly some'll be eternally keeping score for popularity but just cause they all do doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school we've all got bad yearbook photos which we've forgot to let go and just like acne our insecurity should be something we left with the j.v. so here's to letting go of yearbook photos things we kept that hold us down so that was yesterday, there's always tomorrow we are tomorrow, we are tomorrow i know i'll be graduating early cause high school could be a mini me of the rest of society there's always a prom queen there'll always be always be sororities and sadly some'll be eternally keeping score for popularity but just cause they all do doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school doesn't mean we have to act like we're in high school

so, im telling u this...

ok, i cant hold it in from you any longer. i have been keeping this secret for 7 years, and i cant hold it in any longer. when i was seve, i was molested by my brother. my own BROTHER!!! and after that, i hardly trust boys anymore. that is why most of my friends are girls. and plase dont tell some professional. i dont need the pressure..... i can still remember that night. i made this to tell you all about it. so you might get a hint of what its been like for me.


Speak
you told me to be quiet
and to not tell a soul
"its my favorite thing to play"
"you'll be the starring role".
and i guess i was...
i tried to tell someone
but nothing was ever done
you didnt think that i would remember
you thought i was too young
but i wasn't...
i go on through my life
trying to forget my past
and it worked for awhile
until at lastit was time for health class...
then everything came out
the horrible memories came through
and i could help but cry
how could you do this to me...
i remember your weight on my body
i thought i might break
and your tongue in my mouth
i still get sick and shake
at the very thought of you...
so now im coming clean
im trying to move on
but there is still an issue of trust
that must be won
before anyone can get near me...


so know you know, and i hope you dont feel different;y about me.

[A]ri
*is dying inside*

ok, i am feeling depressed. people are saying "oh, my dog died, im depressed" but they dont know loss. they never watched their best friend die right in front of them. I am drawn to the knife, but i fight back. i fight a losing battle. help.


You took chances
Once too many times.
As a child you thought -
"Oh no, never me."
Life is a gift,
Given and taken at some
Unknown time.
Your time came too soon -
Your life was over in a flash.
The fun you shared,
The joy you brought,
All just a memory -
Behind us.

We used to talk
We used to laugh
We were best of friends
I thought that’s how it would always be
You taught me so much
Told me exactly what to say
I wish it were still the same
But someday I know it will
Maybe not today
But we’ll meet up again
It won’t be long until I see your face
In Heaven that marvelous day

You meant so much to all of us
You were special and that's no lie
You brightened up the darkest day
And the cloudiest sky
Your smile alone warmed hearts
Your laugh was like music to hear
I would give absolutely anything
To have you well and standing near
Not a second passes
When you're not on our minds
Your love we will never forget
The hurt will ease in time
Many tears I have seen and cried
They have all poured out like rain
I know that you are happy now
And no longer in any pain.

Brittney, I love you.

ok ,so my b-day is today. i got a phone from my sister, and my MCR CD from Allegra. But my faverite present so far is the one from my girlfriend, Brittney Cacace. She burned a cd w/ all of our favorite love songs, and my favorite fast beat songs. songs like vampire love, hero/heroine, Falling In Love, melt the sugar, stand in the rain, etc. my favorite is falling in love. it is just like our song.

You are my one true love
You are the voice that is so sweet
In everything I do, you bring the best out of me
You are my wings to fly
You are the wind beneath them
I miss you every night, when I close my eyes
You put your feelings down
You stopped your tears you brought me love
You held on to my heart
You held with hope to have me near
Sometimes I close my eyes
Sometimes I let my hunger rise
I think of all you are, you are the love of my life